Women in Leadership - Say No
In my 20+ years of career in technology, I experienced first hand the unique challenges and obstacles of being a woman in male dominated fields. Today I want to talk about one of the challenges that I personally struggled, still struggling, but getting so much better at - Say No. It doesn't mean that men don’t have this challenge, many do. However, it’s a fact that on average it is harder for women than men to say No.
Why is it?
Ever since we were little girls, we were taught to be princesses, to be nice, and to be caring. As a result, women are more likely to become people pleasers. We feel a need to say yes to show that we are team players. We feel that we will not be liked if we say no. We then may have too much on our plates. We may end up doing things we do not enjoy doing. We may have opportunities passed by because we are busy working on other things. We say yes to coworkers and our bosses. We say yes to our families that we will cook, clean and wash laundry. We say yes to our friends who need help. We say yes to communities that need our devotion. Not willing to say no often results in overwhelm and frustration. We feel guilty if we did day No. Without setting a healthy boundary, we can slip into catabolic energy.
How can we start to say No?
First we want to ask ourselves - is it aligned with our value? If the answer is no, then say No.
If the answer is yes, then ask ourselves whether we have the bandwidth to take this on. If the answer is no, then say so! Or what can be offloaded before saying yes. And so on…
How can we say no without feeling guilty?
Say No strategically - be honest. You could also offer another person or solution.
Keep in mind that you said NO because that’s the right thing to do and let it go.
I am a regular volunteer to various communities. A few years ago, while I was volunteering, my young kids were on their own. During stage performance, my child’s costume kept falling off. It may not be that big of a deal for a young child. But that’s when I realized that I wanted to spend more time with my own kids during that time. I made the decision to be less involved in that volunteering opportunity until my children are older.
How can you be excited to say No?
When you say No, you are saying Yes to the things you want in life.
Be confident to say no to things that are not aligned with your value.
